Tuesday 11 July 2017

Why He's Not My Best Friend



I am a huge lover of trashy TV. Programmes that don't really require me to concentrate on them. For the most part I am blogging whilst watching TV, so as a general rule, I have no idea what is going on. One of my favourite shows to 'not watch' whilst blogging is 'Say Yes to the Dress'. What I wouldn't give to work in a wedding dress shop, surrounded by tulle, lace and silk which has been lovingly crafted into ballgowns, mermaids and fit and flares. Yes, minus the bridezillas, that would be my ideal job. Anyway, back to the point. It was whilst 'not watching' that my ears pricked up on hearing a bride use that age old phrase when talking about her hubby to be, 'he's my best friend,' sigh. Well ladies, let me tell you now, D is not and will never be my best friend.

Shock. Horror. Poor D, this must be a terrible revelation for him, reading on the blog that he is not my best friend and is never going to be. Calm down all, he knows. We've spoken about it a few times now and we're both in agreement as to why we will never be best friends. We don't want to be best friends. D has a best friend, they've been friends since childhood. They have done things together and ridden storms together, which have well and truly cemented their friendship and I have no intention of coming between that or trying to take that role over. D doesn't need another best friend.

That doesn't take anything away from the relationship we, as a couple have. It's early days, but we are very happy together. We talk about doing things months from now, which has to be a good thing, and dare I say it, I am finally getting more adventurous. Yes folks, having survived whitewater rafting, I am dying to try paddle boarding and kayaking. Of course, D is to a certain degree, a friend, but there is a difference between being a best friend and being in a loving relationship. How many of your friends put their arm around you and kiss the top of your head?

Your best friend is the person, you tell everything to. They are your confidant. That's not to say I wouldn't discuss most things with D and vice versa, but sometimes you need that third party to chat with, laugh with, mess about with and just enjoy being around, no strings attached. Your best friend is the person who will carry you when you are down and tell you when you're being a bit of an idiot without it offending you or causing a blazing row. Let's face it boys, if you're doing a crap job of the DIY and your missus tells you so, you're likely going to end up in an argument, but if your best mate tells you the exact same thing...well I rest my case. And for the record, it works the other way round too, there are things our girlfriends can tell us and get away with, that our husbands would never get away with. It's true!

The relationship between yourself and your partner obviously embraces friendship, you have to like one another, understand one another and want to be around one another. If the conversation doesn't flow, you're not remotely interested in how their day has been or what they've done, and you resent time they spend outside of the relationship (or worse still, you wish they'd bugger off out of the house a little more often), well it's not really going to go very far. However, it's also companionship, having someone you care about, and whom in turn cares about you and commitment to that person, and well, obviously you do need to find your other half physically attractive too. I'll be honest with you (sorry mum - she sometimes reads the blog), but there are things I want to do with D that I certainly do not want to do with any of my friends. No offence intended girls, but I do not want to spend the evening holding hands and kissing you. You're all very pretty, but I simply don't fancy you.

Finally, the other reason I don't want my partner to be my best friend. Suppose that your partner is indeed your best friend and the relationship breaks down, which as we all know, does happen, not only have you lost the love of your life, but you've lost your best friend, your confidant and that is doubly sad. So for me, I'm more than happy to say, D is not my best friend and never will be; he will, however, be a very, very special friend, but not my best friend and that works for both of us. It may not be the same for you, we're all different, and you may be happy to be best friends with your other half. This is just how we, as a couple feel about it, but when it comes to relationships they are all unique and that's the beauty of being human, no two people are the same and no two relationships are the same.


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24 comments:

  1. Ps. Martyn is my best friend because he is my only friend.

    Post a comment.

    Awww....ive never felt more loved. ;)

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    1. Thank you for pointing out the bleeding obvious Martyn, I am currently PMSL...so much for thoughtful, meaningful comments ;-)

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  2. I'm just laughing at Martyn's comment above! No I really get this. I remember breaking up with my ex and it was odd losing someone I was so close to! Sounds like you are very happy though and thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x

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    1. I'll be honest with you Sarah, I think Martyn's comment really does complete the post nicely...he's like my own personal troll ;-) x

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  3. I so get where you're coming from. I think people rattle that phrase off too easily.

    Part of the whole instaperfect modern life. A way of saying that they must love their partner more than someone else because they are best friends.

    Great post.

    #bloggerclubuk

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    1. Aw thanks, that comment really does mean a lot to me:-)

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  4. I am also chuckling at Martyn's comment above. Definitely some food for thought. I would say sometimes my partner feels like he is my best friend and other times it couldn't be further from the truth. I think too much emphasis is put on the whole best friend thing though...after all many child psychologists say we shouldn't encourage best friends in children so why should we as adults? Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub with this x

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    1. Thanks Talya. I actually don't have a best friend. I have good friends and close friends, but not a best friend...well apart from Martyn obviously LOL x

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  5. Haha I'm laughing both at Martyn's comment and the fact my other half tries far too much to try and fix things rather than just let me rant and cry (that's what my friends are for). #coolmumclub xx

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    1. I love that Martyn's comment is hijacking the post, I just hope he doesn't invoice me for it, I'm not sure I can afford his rates ;-) xx

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  6. I guess every relationship is different. Hubby and I have been together 12 years and we are 100% best friends and we tell each other everything - I trust him with stuff that I wouldn't dare utter to anyone else. Plus, there may not always be kisses and time for romance, so you need more than romance to make a relationship work long-term. But I know that's just my personal experience and I have friends in relationships much more similar to what you've described. Everyone is different and everyone wants different things from their relationships (if that wasn't the case, it wouldn't matter who we dated because we'd all be exactly the same anyway!) #coolmumclub

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    1. Well said Lucy! I think that's the wonderful thing about being human we're all different :-) x

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  7. Chris and I are best friends and if anything happened in our relationship I hope our friendship would keep things amicable. #bestandworst

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    1. I'm sure you would, but I also hope it never has to be tested. I'm sure in won't be xx

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  8. I love your take on this. So many people rattle off the line with no thought to whether or not it's actually true and it's a bit of a kick in the teeth for your actual best friend who's been there your whole life
    Thanks for linking up to #BloggerClubUK :)
    Debbie

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    1. I think it's great if people are best friends with their partner, but it's just not for D and I. Also, you are absolutely right, how would your actual best friend feel about being pushed aside - I'd not even thought about it from that angle x

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  9. Aw, poor D haha! Just kidding! I would say that my hubby is my best friend. Of course I have friends as well, but he is my best friend as well as my husband. Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

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    1. Oh my goodness Emily, don't feel sorry for D, he'll just get all high maintenance ;-) I don't actually have an issue with people being best friends with their hubby or wife, so long as it suits you both that's great :-) xx

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  10. Actually I disagree with my wife emily I don't see us as best friends. Never have loving this post Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

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    1. I hope I haven't started a domestic by writing this? Your wife is super lovely (and very pretty) you're a very lucky man Nige. I think it's definitely possible to be best friends, I mean it must be, some people start out as best friends before becoming a couple, but it's not for us. See you next Friday (I am trying hard to be organised with the linkys) x

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  11. Hi Lisa, I do totally agree. What I have with my husband is not what I have with my best friend. A best friend is someone who you can let off steam with and know you won't be judged. And if anyne is unlucky enough to lose a partner, for whatever reason, a best friend is always there to help pick up the pieces. Basically never put all your eggs in one basket when it comes to relationships!

    Thank you for linking up with the #MMBC.

    XX

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    1. Yes, those are very much our thoughts. There's is definitely an element of friendship, but it's more than that. That said, I don't actually have a best friend, I have two or three close friends, but not a best friend, well apart from Mr. Kitney ;-)

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  12. It's so refreshing to hear someone say that their partner isn't their best friend. I get where your coming from, sometimes it's nice to be able to differentiate between the two. I can't, my husband is my best friend purely by proxy. We spend the most time together, I talk to him more than anyone else that sort of stuff. But then there's the best friends from the days before we met, who know things about me that he probably wouldn't because I've forgotten myself. I really enjoyed a different perspective on the whole thing, thanks! #ThatFridayLinky

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    1. Ah thanks Helen. I think it's lovely you are best friends whether that be by proxy or not. I definitely think it's possible to be best friends :-) x

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