Sunday 3 December 2017

Stop Before You Knock

Please, please people, would you stop and think before you act. Would you stop and think, is this really a major issue, that I need to address, or could I just deal with it in a quieter way. And, if you do decide to make a big deal of something, would you please at least stop and listen.

This afternoon, Miss. L took the dog out for me. She's been doing so for the past couple of months. She's being doing so, because my anxiety won't let me get to the top of the road before it kicks in and sends me racing back to the safety of my home. I cannot walk the dog.

She usually just comes indoors after walking him, but today there was a ring on the bell and an impatient knock on the door. I went down and there was a very forlorn looking Miss. L and some woman I've never seen in my life, with her child asking is this my daughter and my dog. Well yes! She then proceeded to tell me that Miss. L is regularly leaving dog poo outside her house instead of picking it up...interesting seeing as she has a bag of poo in her hand. Fair enough though, that is really not on; I tell her to make sure she does pick it up. I'm not entirely sure what else I am expected to do at this point.

I did wonder though, how she knew it was her leaving it. Of course, she has cameras, of course she does. The sort of person who drags their child out in the cold to make a point would have bloody cameras, and would also expect a bit more than me telling my child to make sure she picks the sodding poo up.

She's still not happy and suggests my child doesn't walk the dog if she won't pick up the poo. At this point, I've reached the end of my tether and am trying to explain to her that due to anxiety and depression, I am not able to walk the dog and Miss. L is having to do it. And this, this is where the usual effing response kicked in, from an ignorant person who knows nothing of mental health issues...'Well,' and I quote,'we all have our problems and my child could get ill from the poo!' Yes, this stupid, dumb, ignorant moo, stood on my doorstep, and said that to me!

Miss. L came in and was very distressed, and my distressed brain decides I'm not being spoken to like that. I want to bloody well see what has happened and where so that I can make sure Miss. L (well any of us) never goes near her bloody house again.

I soon caught her up (I was running on pure adrenaline at this point) and asked her to show me where it was. Now, I didn't think that was particularly unreasonable given her over reactive behaviour, which she clearly deemed acceptable (dragging her child out and escorting mine several streets home), but apparently it was not. I was, given my mental state, quite determined to know exactly where this was supposed to have occurred and tried to convey this to her (probably in something of a distressed state). She went on about having to have her carpet cleaned as poo had been walked into the house, so I asked her to send me the bill, which even in my distressed state seemed like the polite and only thing to do. No she didn't want to do that. I told her she could have just told my child off, but no she wanted to make a point and speak to me.

Well, madam high and mighty, you got more than you bargained for. If you're going to go knocking on the doors of strangers over something so trivial and then not accept the only solution I could give (telling child to pick poo up) you may well want to step back and consider what can of worms you might be opening.

If you are going to toss aside the explanation you've been given as to why my child is having, and I do mean having, to walk the dog, instead of stopping to process what you've been told, then you may want to step back and consider the can of worms you might be opening.

If you are going to tell me 'We all have our problems' well you've overstepped the mark, the can of worms is open.

Yes we all have our problems. My problem is I am very, very ill with something you cannot see and something you clearly have no understanding of. I didn't tell you to get your pity, I told you by way of explanation, when you suggested my child not walk the dog. I didn't ask to suffer with mental health issues. I do not want severe depression, I do not want anxiety (both of which you've just compounded, by the way) and I don't want to be severely psychologically distressed.

To the stupid woman who knocked on my door; you have no idea what my daughters, or myself are going through. You don't know that last night, my youngest, the one you didn't reprimand yourself, the one you chose to walk to my door in order to make a point, she had to cook dinner last night and probably will again tonight. You don't know that my eldest has panic attacks at school because she's worried about me. You don't know that they sit and watch me sob uncontrollably most days. That they hold my hand and tell me it's OK, they understand. You don't know that they hold me in their arms and hug me to make me feel better. You don't know that my eldest overheard you telling your neighbour that I had told you I was ill and that you told your neighbour, 'Well we all have our problems, but my child could get ill.' Yes, she heard. It's just the three of us and we have each others backs.

You don't know what it is to be depressed. You don't know how debilitating it is. How hard it is every single day. How every minute of every day is a battle. You don't know that even though you are aware of it, you can't control what your head is telling you. You don't know anything! You are one of the stupid, ignorant, selfish people who are part of the problem. You are the reason, so many people don't admit to having a mental illness. Because you judge and belittle it. You make people feel ashamed and embarrassed. You think being depressed means you're just a little bit sad or low; it's nothing a shopping spree or a pamper won't fix. You are so self centred that you chose to make a big deal out of something that could easily have been dealt with on your own doorstep.

I would be peed off it was my doorstep, I get that. It's not acceptable to not pick up dog mess, but unless you were willing to take payment for the carpet cleaning from me, was it really worth knocking on my door for? How about you go away and start educating yourself before you do something like that again, otherwise you may end up opening another can of worms. Oh, and maybe best not to knock on a bloggers door, just saying!

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