Monday 22 August 2016

What Nan Said

My mum is a funny old stick. She favours animals over people, has an Olympic Gold in worrying (well she would if there were one available), is a dreadful cook (honestly, the comments I got about my shiny hair when I was young are largely down to the amount of charcoal I consumed - everything was burnt to a cinder) and she doesn't have the greatest sense of humour in the world. That said, over the years she has given my dad and I quite a few laughs; all unintentionally.

You see, my mum is notorious for using the wrong word for things. Think back many years ago to dear, sweet Ethel Skinner in Eastenders, that's my mum (well maybe she's not quite so bad, but she's on her way).

Unfortunately, unlike Ethel, who lived with kind, tolerant people, my mum lives with my dad, who even in his 80's is still quick to pick up on her gaffs and call me to let me know what her latest one is.

So, ladies and gentlemen, for your entertainment, I present you with 'What Nan Said' Some of her greatest gaffs...

  1. Profiteroles. You would think this was quite an easy one to get right wouldn't you? You'd be wrong. For years she has been unable to get this one right. Her version, Potiferolls.
  2. Not strictly the wrong word, this time an insane description to let us know just how painful her knee is, and I quote, 'It's like toothache in the knee'. What? 
  3. My personal favourite. Biopsy. Some time ago mum had breast cancer which isn't amusing at all and thankfully it was caught very early on and dealt with quickly. However, mum did require a biopsy. It wasn't pleasant, but her version of it sounds really truly horrific. You see, as mum tells it, she had an autopsy. Really doesn't bear thinking about!
  4. Tsunami. Now we all know what causes a tsunami and the size of the waves etc, but all of this is totally lost on mum. One very, very rainy day, she informed my dad that if it didn't stop raining there would be a salami!
  5. Dad and I can't remember how this one came about, but it was a year or so after my grandmother had passed away. 'If your grandmother were alive today, she'd turn in her grave.' Not sure how this would have been possible unless my nan was a vampire and slept in a coffin when alive???
So that's an insight into the crazy world of my mother's conversations. It keeps dad and I amused and hopefully it's amused you a little too.

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