Saturday 17 December 2016

I Am A Bad Neighbour

I am eternally grateful to a neighbour of mine, who popped up on my doorstep just the other evening. Were it not for this super thoughtful lady, I would never have been aware of my failings and would most likely continued upon this dreadfully wrong path on which I found myself. It all started almost 5 weeks ago..

...with a knock at the door and a delivery driver asking if I could take a parcel in for a neighbour. He'd knocked, but there was no reply.

I was more than happy to take the parcel in, and he popped a note through the door to let the intended recipient know where there parcel was. Later that evening, my next door neighbour's daughter came to collect the parcel, at which point we realised that it was addressed to the wrong number, it was actually the house next door to them, so off little neighbour went with Miss. L to try to deliver the parcel, with strict instructions to pop the delivery note through the door if there was no reply, which they dutifully did (as there was no reply, no surprise there).

I didn't think about it until a week had passed and no attempt had been made to collect the parcel, so when the girls' dad came to collect them he offered to knock. Still no reply.

Week two, and I still had the parcel. Miss. L has knocked again and Miss. D has been knocking after school too. Still no reply nor any attempt to collect.

Week three comes and I still have the darn thing. I try knocking as I know she is in (I can hear her shouting from my back garden, even though all her windows are closed). I knock, and I ring, I ring and I knock. I knock so hard, my knuckles are actually hurting. Still no reply. By this time, I am feeling a tad frustrated, because I know she is in, and I know she has a delivery card.

Next day (still week three here), I call the parcel delivery company and ask if they can arrange collection, to return to sender. They are very understanding, but cannot collect as the time that has lapsed is too great and they advise me to do what I like with the parcel.

Now folks this is the part that is super bad...fed up with not getting a response, I decide to put the parcel over the neighbours back gate thinking she has to find it there, surely?

Wrong! Why would she find it? What was I thinking? This woman never even opens any of her curtains (she's probably never even seen the delivery card in the darkness)?

Hence she turned up on my doorstep, 4 and a half weeks after delivery asking for her parcel and she was none too happy, I can tell you, to find I'd put it over her back fence. I did try to explain to her that numerous attempts had been made to deliver her parcel, but she would have none of it, telling me that she would not do that to me, she would hold on to the parcel for as long as it took me to collect it. Yes, I did mention the shouting. No, she didn't apologise.

So dear readers, as you can see, I am indeed a terrible, no, a despicable human being and the worst neighbour ever to have stepped foot on this planet. I realise that I made an error and should have dutifully left said neighbour's parcel kicking around my house for a month. It was my duty to deliver, and I was clearly misguided into thinking she had responsibility for a timely collection of her parcel. However, I am now, thankfully, enlightened and will be sure, from here on in, to pander to the needs of my fellow neighbours before being so selfish as to try and tidy my home of things which do not belong to me.

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